it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
