last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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