You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
