dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
