I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
