I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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