don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry about my life...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
