She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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