dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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