I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
