your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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