I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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