Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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