How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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