dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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