No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
