No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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