Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
