Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
