happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Randomize
