so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
