Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
