I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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