I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
