Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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