I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Even my vagina gasped.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
