i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Randomize
