The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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