it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
