i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
