So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
