went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need a burrito and a hug.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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