i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
