I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
