ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
