He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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