Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
