if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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