TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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