she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
