They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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