just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How's work?
Spinning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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