I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
