you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
