Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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