This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
