Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
