Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
