Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
