I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
