your parents love me but you hate me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
