My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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