Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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