from now on my penis is your penis
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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