if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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