they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He has the fingertips of a God
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