OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
