Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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