I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm going to jail i love you
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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