i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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