I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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